So I’ve decided that I’m gonna only drink Voss water from now on. “But why, Eric? That’s so ridiculous and zany and crazy!” I’ll tell you why. It’s delicious, it’s the best bottled water out there. Better than Poland Spring. Better than Evian and Smart Water and Fiji. I shouldn’t even be telling anyone this because I’m convinced it’s one of the best kept secrets out there, right up there with the Turkey Bacon Cheddar sandwich from Dunkin Donuts (ask for extra ancho chipotle sauce). I can honestly feel bad for everyone drinking that shitty bottled water, you know the Nestle, Aquafina, no thanks. Sure, a bottle of Voss could run me $4, but I legitimately look and feel like a celebrity when I drink it. I legitimately feel better than everyone else.
I sit in class and pull out this glass cylinder full of water and everyone has to stop and look. And I’m guaranteed at least one “What is that?”, “What is Voss?”, “OMG Voss! You’re so cool, Eric!”. People want to know what I’m drinking, and they want to drink it as well. I stand out, and I don’t hate it. Everyone needs to get on the Voss bandwagon. Not only am I on it, but I’m driving that motherfucker. Take the time out of your day and go find a Voss. $4 well spent.
PS. If you don’t want to keep buying them (because it does get expensive), refill the Voss bottle so people always think you’re drinking it. You’re welcome.